Why I Don’t Like Porn

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I’ve never liked porn. It used to be because I was a Christian and felt like it was “sinful” to look at porn. After leaving the church, my moral beliefs about porn became confused, but I still felt that something was off about the whole thing.

So, being me, I started investigating the porn industry to try to figure out a logical moral stance on the issue. The first problem I came across is probably the most serious issue with porn in my opinion – far too many women (and probably some men too) in the porn industry are forced into the profession through human trafficking. In other words – SEXUAL SLAVERY. Additionally, many underage girls are used in porn and their ages are lied about.

Another issue I came across was the prevalence of violence and physical/verbal abuse (specifically towards women) to be found in porn. Some studies suggest that up to 90% of porn on the market features some kind of violence or abuse towards women. What do you think this does to the minds of young kids and teenagers who watch?

Lastly, porn has some real-life personal problems for men particularly. Porn has a real addictive quality to it. Many men get to the point where they can’t stop watching even if they want to. Many addicted men develop erectile dysfunction, even young guys, because watching porn often can make your brain unable to respond to any sexual stimuli other than porn. This has ruined many relationships, as men become unable to perform sexually with their wives, girlfriends, etc. Further, the secretive nature of addiction (if involved) can take a toll on any relationship.

One good website to find out more about these facts and porn studies is truthaboutporn.org. They feature a huge database dedicated to scientific studies about the harmful effects pornography can have.  They also explain how porn can damage individuals, relationships, and society in general.

Feel free to share your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences about porn in the comments if you wish! I have often wondered if maybe we need an “ethical” porn option (guaranteed to be free from sexual violence, abuse, trafficking and underage participants) , but even that wouldn’t address all of the harmful effects porn can have on individuals and relationships.

Depression and Gun Ownership

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For at least a year or two now, I have been debating with my husband whether we should get a handgun for home protection. You see, I have an intense fear of home invasions. I often have nightmares about it. I think part of it may stem from being robbed at gunpoint when I was 17 years old. Or maybe some of it comes from living in several areas over my lifetime that were crime ridden in one way or another. A history of physical abuse and c-ptsd certainly doesn’t help either.

That is why I believe that I might feel a little more safe with a handgun in the house (most likely locked up in a safe). My husband worries about keeping a loaded gun in the house though because of my intense periods of depression. I have bipolar type 2, and while I have never had a psychotic episode, have never tried to commit suicide, and do not think I am generally a danger to myself, my husband has seen me go through some extreme emotional lows that worried him. He fears that if we had a loaded gun in the house there is always the possibility that in a moment of intense depression I might make a rash decision.

I am thinking that perhaps I should discuss the possibility with my therapist and psychiatrist. I know both of them have said they do not think I would ever actually commit suicide. Personally, I agree that I am very unlikely to commit suicide unless my husband died and I was somehow left all alone without any help in the world. I do not think I could kill myself unless the prospect of living genuinely became worse than death. I also would not want to cause anyone who cares about me pain, as I know first hand what it is like to lose someone close to suicide.

Why Doctors Frustrate Me – Trying to Get Testing Done

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I want to begin this post by sharing a horrible dream I had last night. I was sitting in row G of a live outdoor show (my dreams are pretty specific sometimes), when someone behind me threw up all over my head. It was disgusting! I still remember the smell and feel of the vomit as it trickled down my face and hair. Ick! By the way, how do you “smell” things in a dream? I don’t know, but I sure did!

Ok, now that I got that off my chest, on to the main topic of this post. I am frustrated with doctors. Why? Because time and time again, I have had to fight to get testing that I feel is important, because many doctors tend to think I am just being a hypochondriac or overly anxious when I tell them I suspect a particular diagnosis.

However, time and time again, I have been proven RIGHT when I finally got the testing. C Diff, MRSA, medication allergies, asthma, CFS, fibromyalgia, costochondritis, pancreatitis, Aspergers, bipolar…all of these are conditions I highly suspected long before I actually got diagnosed, and yet, I had to fight to even get them checked out because doctors thought I was just being paranoid.

The most recent testing I am fighting for is Ehlers Danlos (EDS). I meet the major and most of the minor criteria for the condition, but have been fighting to even get a referral for testing. EDS is often comorbid with high-functioning autism, so that is what first made me interested in the condition. I am positive I score at least 6 or 7 out of 9 on the Beighton Score (higher on the Brighton Score).

I guess I can sum up this post in one sentence: Why is it so damn hard to get a simple test done???